Minha roommate e melhor amiga MEREDITH SOUTO decidiu que quer se comunicar com os leitores do Minha Vida de Boston. Como ela não fala português, o seguinte post será publicado em inglês, diretamente da cabeça doida de minha cara amiga. Aperte o botão de tradução e voilá, terá um post que não faz o menor sentido, mas pelo menos sua integridade original foi mantida.
Família e amigos meus... a pessoa que escreveu isso vive dentro de um quarto minúsculo comigo, então acho que não existe ninguém nesse mundo que me conhece melhor. Aqui vai...
Luiza Justus: The Untold Story
by Meredith Souto
Oi amigos e
família de Luiza!
It has come to my attention that
this blog is incredibly biased. This Luiza character is only telling her side
of the story, when truth be told there is so much going on behind the scenes
that she doesn’t even bother to write. So today I am hijacking her blog to
present to you all: LUIZA JUSTUS, THE UNTOLD STORY. By Meredith Souto.
So Luiza
wakes up every morning to ‘Aftershave Ocean’ by the Vaccines. For those of you
who have never heard this song, it’s awesome if it’s not being played at 8 AM
on a Monday. She slinks out of bed and shuts it off, but only after it’s
reached the loudest point and a bit of my soul has already died. Generally she
wakes up without snoozing (hardcore Brazilian beast) but this all depends on
how well she has slept the night before. For example, some nights she talks in
her sleep. Usually she’ll just roll over and utter a loud noise of confusion.
At 4 in the morning I’ll suddenly hear a very loud, “HUH? WHAT?” Other times
she will pick up a conversation we had much earlier in the evening and try to
continue it in her sleep.
She then
dresses herself in layers and layers of studs and spikes. While there are a
variety of university students in the United States with very unique fashion
senses, Boston College is generally characterized by Northface jackets and
skinny jeans. By so starkly contrasting this bleak fashion sense, Luiza is
quite possibly the most foreign entity on the entire campus. I went through her
closet once, and this girl actually owns about 6 or 7 pairs of leather pants.
That’s about 6 or 7 more than I own. If I ever accidentally bump into her, I
usually face the wrath of the spikes on her shoulders, backpack, gloves,
headband, headphones, iPhone case, or the spikes that probably just grow from
her soul because they know they’re welcome there. Same goes for all the studs.
I bought her a DIY stud kit for Christmas and she screamed like I got her a
pony.
Next, after
stomping across campus and drawing the attention of everyone from our dorm to
Gasson, she sits in class. I only had one class with her, a math class, and we
drew each other pictures. Nowadays I don’t know what she’s like in class, but I
imagine that it’s sort of like her sleeping habits.
I usually
return after my classes to our humble abode where I find her doing one of two
things: sleeping in her clothes on top of her duvet, or sitting at her computer
watching 90210 and saying, “WHY DO I EVEN WATCH THIS GARBAGE I DON’T EVEN LIKE
IT, THIS ISN’T GOOD TELEVISION AND I HAVE SO MANY OTHER THINGS TO DO.”
Yesterday, she and Christina watched ‘The Carrie Diaries’ because her sister
downloaded it, and I guess iCloud picked it up or something. I teased her, but
realistically I know how much sibling influence can affect the media we
consume. I once watched ‘A Serbian Film’ because my brother told me to. Maybe
I’ll sit Luiza down to watch that someday, but it would probably make her throw
all her spikes at the TV in self-defense.
At this
point, Luiza begins to think about dinner. Let the reader note that it’s about
3:00 at this point, so I applaud her on her restraint. I usually start thinking
about dinner and how much I’m going to enjoy it at about 10 AM. Dinner, if she
eats at the dining hall, is at 6:30. She tends to vary her choices, but
ultimately deems the food ‘lackluster’ and gets a brownie or a cookie to feel
better about the disappointment. If dinner occurs outside a Boston College
dining hall, the dinner is always sushi. Luiza loves sushi so much that if she
had to choose between eternal life and eternal sushi, she would choose eternal
sushi and die the next day happier than anyone has ever been.
Then
finally, I will expose some of Luiza’s nighttime rituals. These begin after
watching a few more television shows she regrets (and a few she likes. For my
next guest blog post, I’ll take a picture of her face when she watches ‘Once
Upon a Time.’ It’s like the face the kids made in ‘Willy Wonka and the Chocolate
Factory’ when they first see the chocolate river, except Luiza isn’t beholding
a river of chocolate, she’s looking at scrumptious men with eyeliner.) The
strangest ritual that happens is the nightly ‘squish.’ A ‘squish’ is what
happens when Luiza and I become complete infants and stare longingly at each
other and yell, “SQUISH?” until one of us jumps into the other’s bed and we try
to crush each other. The Squish is a sacred ritual that I highly recommend for
anyone who has co-dependency issues with their friends or roommates- it manages
to take all of those feelings and release them in a single, rib-crushing
embrace.
This, blog
readers, is the portrait of the crazy woman who writes this blog. Her insanity
comes from a place deep within her soul and expands to touch all of the people
with whom she associates. So reader be warned! Your very sanity is at stake, just from reading this blog!!!!
“Professors are fucking crazy… I mean look at the size of
this reading. Like I would ever read this. Do they think I have no life?”
–Luiza on homework. Monday the 18th at 10:46 AM.
Inseparáveis. Amigas pra sempre. Minha americana favorita :)
